I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
