Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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