ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
