just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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