how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
