its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
