Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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