Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
