This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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