I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
