Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
