I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
