If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
