the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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