i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
