First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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