we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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