She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.