so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.