He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
