It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
