I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
