so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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