I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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