I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
