dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am one with the molecules
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
