Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
