having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
