Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
