So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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