I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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