I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
