You smell like a Billy Joel song
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
