what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
