i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
