Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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