Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
