how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
