I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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