youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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