i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
