So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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