youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
