I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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