We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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