Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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