Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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