All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
