Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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