you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
