Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
