idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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