The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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