hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
