I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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