Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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