he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
