Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
