there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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