Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Vodka?
Forever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
