The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
