That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
