I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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