if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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