Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are two peas in an std pod
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
