I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
