Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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