She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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