don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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