my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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