No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
