You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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