I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
honey bunches of taint.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
