in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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