I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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