Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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