Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
